Holidays

Holidays have sadly become hard for me, I've grown more in 12 months then I had hoped too... seen the love of family members, and experienced support from co workers in a way I could not have imagined. As we try to pick up the pieces and create new memories it saddens me that past memories are tainted. Saddens me that we have to swim harder to just breathe.

I know we will make it out shining that we will find peace, the journey some days is harder than others.

I have family and friends near and far people that have chosen to be there for me and have not passed judgment . For that I am grateful....

I think sometimes that I think too much especially when my mind is racing of what is expected of me both spoken and non verbal. I think about bills, I think about love, I think about why and I think about time.

I find myself overwhelmed with the tasks ahead and an reminded of my days with four kids under the age of 3! I did it I smiled I laughed and I was happy surely four kids under the age of 8 is more than doable its attainable.

I have been blessed with determined little fighters who together with me, there typically overwhelmed mum get through each day. There has not been one day in the past year that I have not been loved and helped by those that mean the world to me. I truly don't know how to begin to repay them.....

This holiday season we will eat too much chocolate... We will create lasting memories we simply cannot forget as its the first holiday in years we are safe and can just be as we are.

Merry Christmas!!! Happy Chanukah and just a really good December!!!!

Alberta Bound

Books were read, I'm on a historical kick right now so the trip started off with some Soviet Union reads and ended with Abraham Lincoln.
The snow was ever present and to my surprise I loved it! It made me aware of how much I hate the Island rain rain and more rain and the non existent sun:( at least in the prairies the sun is shining despite the -25 weather.
The plane ride was far too turbulent for my stomach and I've been on a lot of planes in my days, good thing it was over in 1 hr 32 minutes.
Miss Sophie Mia and I bonded! Shocking I know as I'm not a dog person at all. She was such a sweety and I actually miss her.
Much to my surprise my rain coat didn't cut the -20 weather and I was treated to a Mountain Equipment Coop shopping day! Toque mittens and the warmest coat :)
The digs were pretty snazzy too! Very relaxing and peaceful.
I found the medicine ball in my dads basement while Sophie and I were watching TV. It is one of my fondest childhood memories of him it was always in his office:) it brought great memories and smiles.

Back home is bitter sweet, so happy to be with my kids and sad to leave my family. A spring road trip with the munchkins is in the works !!!

Time

There are times when your legs feel like they have been ripped off, when the ground collapses just as you need a foundation, when u search for light only to see the bleak reality. There are times you question and beg why, times u get ahead only to then need help again. There are times that ill wishes behaviours and acts of others are present, times when perceptions are thrown like daggers...

And then I realized its all just time, time is constant in that it always changes , it's always there and always will be. This is just a sliver of the rest of my life it's just a piece of time. But it's mine and I get to choose what I will fill it with, I cannot choose what others do with theirs. With mine I will do the best I can to protect and love my children, keep our family unit our own and fill our days with those that know us and love us as we do for them. We will laugh cry eat walk sing make mistakes and keep trying to make the best of our time.

I have not blogged as much lately my computer is kaputz so I can only blog on my trusty I phone which is slightly a pain in the rear.

Career Update: going well working out the kinks in our brand new ER, Psych ER and Psych Intensive Care. I would add a link to it but my phone won't let me ;( google Nanaimo Regional General Hospital new ER. Night shifts are kicking my butt I survive via caffeine and .... Caffeine . Love my job though and the fact that the most creative I get with my outfit is what shoes to wear other than that its green scrubs.

Kids Update: they are alive and working on issues, issues created by a monster. When I have more energy i will become a politician and lawyer and change the justice system as of now the perps go free and that does not cut it for me!

Cat Update: we love our fur balls they are part of of little family!

Single Update: don't worry I'm still single lol in relationship terms that is however in terms of being a single mum it's more like "I'm not doing it all on my own " single mother. Mum and dad, Jeff, Kimme n Chris, aunties uncles, Harry n Trish, therapists, teachers, my friends.... The list keeps going . I could not have a career update without the support and love which means no roof over our heads etc. I am beyond grateful.

Overall we are trying to be normal ! Our normal that is.... Off to dinner at a friends tomorrow Hotel Transylvania on Saturday and perhaps popcorn on Sunday !
Thanks for stopping by!

Life

Ty was baptized and it was amazing considering what he endured this was huge for him and my family. Rylie turned 7 I am working in ER we are moving up the twins are in preschool we are healing trying ...

Insomnia

My late night adventures consist of me trying to convince myself to fall asleep..... Not working so I will type my blessings ....
Family, support, friends, smiles, my ability to still laugh and snort, Ty's baptism, Rylie going from regular school to learn at home.... She needs to heal and I feel good and peaceful about this decision, twins starting preschool, my new job!!!! My mum and dad for their unconditional support, therapists and the power of psychology, herbs, omegas and homeopathic tablets, my cats, my home, my cars, my colleagues.....

I have so many blessings which make these past 6 months more livable and bearable, the pain has not lessened it has actually worsened..... However with my blessings and bull-vine stubborn determination I get up try, beg plead laugh work clean and thank those that make my achievements possible.

To my kids.... I love u one day we will look back and say we did it !!! We didn't let him win, we are survivors not victims! We have each other kids and that will never change I love u!!!!

When the clock strikes 12 I'm not a pumpkin

In the past yr I've gone on adventures. I've looked at lots of shoes... I have made lasting friendships.... Received birthday gifts.... Watched my kids wave goodbye as I go to work.... Bought and worn a swimsuit.... Watched my kids get closer to their dad.... Passed the National Nursing Exam.... Developed a wonderful relationship with my birth dad..... Cried over the loss of my granny...Celebrated Easter..... Kissed my kids on valentines day....

There has been a lot of literal blood.... Sweat and tears, I would not have my smile without my parents unconditional support and help. I feel blessed overwhelmed and excited. My kids are healing I'm trying to heal and those that support me are lifting me up. The emails, calls, texts, FB messages and hugs keep me going. There have been days I think I can't. But my dad says Chels look at how far you've come 12 months ago you thought you would have to drop out of school and here I am graduated wearing swim suits!!!

Happy Birthday/Hatch Day! You are worth it!! Love me