'F' WORDS

Feminine Hygiene

Farting and

Four Year Olds

What on earth could these three words have in common?- well actually 5 words in total- Here goes; this morning for some reason Ty and Rylie thought that 4:00am would be the perfect time to come to my room and demand panpakes aka pancakes! The ruckus in turn woke up the twins, so a very, very grumpy Chelsea headed on downstairs to make panpakes. After successfully burning the first batch I made a perfect second batch, Ty and Rylie each had one bite and then said in unison "actually we will just have bread with butter!!" So an even grumpier Chelsea began feeding the twins, Ty and Rylie headed upstairs and they became very quiet. Experience has taught me that however lovely the temporary relief and silence is, it is quickly followed by disaster!

I headed upstairs to find them playing space ships with my Feminine Hygiene products!

Ty: what is this

Mum: my personal things Ty

Ty: ya I know but what is it?

Mum: Ty when someone says something is personal, just leave it at that!

Ty: no I NEED to know, because I NEED to!!

Mum: they are my Feminine Hygiene things!

Ty: oh , ok

So then I get them dressed and head off to the voting polls for the Federal Election! I love voting and I was really excited to explain to the kids the whole process to them. So we arrive at the polls and I am behind the high tech card board box marking my candidate and the old lady behind me says to Ty, "how old are you sweety" Ty then responded with

" Oh I am 4 years old and I play with my mums Feminine Hygiene Stuff and now I am gunna Fart!!"

Jeepers Creepers, I thought I was gunna die, not to mention the other 30 people there, and to make it worse it was so quiet everyone heard, and if that wasn't bad enough, he FARTED!! It was so loud, and then Rylie chimed in with " Ty do you need to poop? that was a stinky toot, and sometimes stinky toots mean you need to poop!" Ty: "no thanks Rylie I am ok, it was just air!!"

Family Photos

My lovely photographer Darcy just emailed me a couple of the pictures she took on Monday!! So here is a sneak peak, I will share the rest with you when I get them.

The Five of us! I must admit we are looking pretty snazzy! Notice the brute strength I possess

Ty you have the most amazing hair little dude!! And Rylie you are too cute!

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Cougar Watch

So on Saturday night around 11:30pm I let my cat Lucifee in and headed up stairs to my boudoir-pardon the phrase, it just sounded saucier than bedroom- As I lay my head on my pillow I hear this screeching sound. It was a cross between an old woman screaming and metal being dragged on the pavement! I jumped up and went over to my window and... A COUGAR was looking up at me, he quickly bolted forward and moments later it's victim began crying! By the sound I am assuming it was a Bambi, it cried and cried. The old woman screech followed by bursts of Bambi crying lasted for 45 minutes! During this time I phoned the police- who transfered me to Conservation who told me they would be out in the morning! "The morning?" I said, I don't think you heard me or the deer correctly "there is a COUGAR in my front yard"!!. He then went on to tell me that it was very promising he went for the deer not the children, because it meant he wasn't starving! It is now Monday and Conservation has yet to come to my house to retrieve the carcass or do anything other than cheer lead the COUGAR! My mum phoned the newspaper this afternoon and miraculously the conservation officer will be coming to my house tonight. For the record I have respect and appreciation for wild animals however at this time in my life with 4 small prey living under my roof I am not that into cohabiting with them. I wish I could have gotten a picture of him, but as usual I always think of photos after the fact.

CORN NUTS AND GRAFFITTI

The next time I mention in passing that I am going to drive to Idaho -or anywhere more than 10 hours- with four children please remind me I am absolutely insane!! As a kid we went on a ton of road trips. When we would stop to fill up with gas we were only allowed corn nuts and water! Well actually if we were thirsty my dad would say "swollow your spit"!!! So that preservative smelling nacho cheese scent always brings back fond memories; fighting over the window seat, totally annoyed that Carl would always have his walkman turned up way too loud and my personal foavourite- I would always take as much as I could from the hotel room, you know sugar packets, shower caps I don't know why I guess I like to be prepared. The nacho scent now brings up sheer terror from the pit of my stomach!

The way to Idaho- well we were up at 3:30 am and off to the ferry. Two hours later we were on the mainland and off we went. Basically the twins began freaking out a because they couldn't see anyone and they had been strapped into a 5 point harness for 5 hours! So we decided that my dad should drive my car, and Ty would go in my mums and Rylie and I stayed in the back to entertain the little squirts.

Once we arrived it was awesome to see everyone. All my nieces and nephews have grown so much! So it was good to see I wasn't the only one who had gained a few llb's. If you are expecting photos soon- sorry to disappoint but genius- meaning me- only brought a memory card that had room for 14 pictures and I took them all of Ty and myself doing bathroom graffitti.

Here we are about to enter the ladies room at the Wolf Lodge Inn...

Ty and Mommy 2008

Ty feeling rather excited about our mischevious adventure in the ladies room stall
One proud mama

So you are probably asking yourself why would Chelsea write her name on the wall of a bathroom stall? Well to be quite honest I have always wanted to, and I felt I deserved too, or as Kimme says "you're worth it"! Two days after we arrived in Idaho, Ty, Rylie and Oliver began projectile puking, they caught the infectious bug from sweet little Kyah. The Virus was later affectionately called Kyahreah, because it also entailed Diareah! then to make things worse I got it and it was awfull. 24 hours later we were feeling better though and continued on.

We went boating, ate way too much food, talked, laughed, went to the spa-THANK YOU CHRIS AND KIMME, all in all had a really wonderfull time. My children however always seem to have daily "near death experience's"-uncle Chris-

For example;

We were at Target and Ty was having a moment- a rather nasty one- and he threw his Northern Right Whale and it landed on Olivia's facing giving her a gushing bloody nose.

While we were talking after dinner one night adorable little Addy was playing with forks and she decided to share them with Oliver who was laying on the floor. The fork landed on his eye!

While Ty and Braxton were wrestling Ty smashed his head on the floor.

Moments before my graffitti escapade Rylie was sucking on a candy and began choking. It was so awfull, we had to turn her upside down and hit her back to get it out.

All in all I had a wonderfull time and I miss everyone already.

On the drive back we stopped at a Flying J for gas, corn nuts and a potty break. As I entered the Gas station everyone kept starring at me, I of course thought it was my eyeshadow! My sister Ursula gave me the smokey eye look! So with my head heald high I walked into the bathroom, only to find that they were not starring at my dreamy eyes they were starring at the blue bubblegum on my butt! And not just a litlle bit, a lot! As I exited the gas station, my head was a little lower, my cheeks red and my jacket around my bum!!

I would also like to wish little Miss Rylie Dawn

a Happy 3rd Birthday!

Broadway comes to Nanaimo

As I take a step back this evening to look at what is going on in my home I realize we are the perfect bunch to star in Anni! Not only do my children resemble orphans, they have taken quite a liking to the bohemian- street urchin look. I must admit that I too look somewhat homeless-however I will spare you those photos- It has probably come as no surprise that I will be starring as Miss Hannigan! So it is not a chaotic nut house today, we are simply rehearsing for our big roles. This is what I tell myself anyway, I have also decided that tomorrow after lunch we will be rehearsing The Sound of Music, more importantly the scenes where the children all love each other and song and dance are more prevalent then throwing and hitting! I am also embarking on a road trip to Idaho with all my orphans! So be prepared my next post will be full of potato adventures! If you are interested in some light reading check out my link to the Alta blog, I am the spotlight this month!

Goin through the big "D"

Goin through the big "D" and don't mean Dallas, I can't believe what the judge had to tell us!!... I can't remember who sings that song but I found it playing over and over in my head while I sat in Courtroom 208 in the Supreme Court of Nanaimo. I Chelsea Dawn am officially divorced!! I have been going through an erruption of emotions all day sad,mad, elated,angry, happy, confused. At the end of it all I finally have peace. We have been in a courtroom battle since our separation two years ago, set aside the "brief encounter, producing twins"-as my lawyer put it!! All in all I have my children, and my hair, which on many different occasions could have been pulled out! So if any of you know any good looking millionaires send them my way!! Just kidding, I am loving my happy peacefull home with just me and the kids and I am looking forward to the next stage of my life...Hint-Hint:
I will be returning to work at my Salon in November, but I will e going back to school. I am going to be a Lawyer! I have always known and wanted to finish my education but I couldn't pinpoint a career, and by witnessing the Canadian Justice System over these past two years I have seen the ins and outs and I want to be a part of it!

The following pictures are some happy, peacefull shots of Ty and Rylie!!

Go Team CANADA

As if I needed another reminder that I am a overtly emotional hormonal being... The OLYMPICS are back!! Yes you read that correctly the Olympics make me ball like a the a water buffalo. I have always loved the Olympics and for some strange reason when I watch the Parade of Nations I cry to the extent where I cannot talk, as if I had just lost my right arm, which by the way is still MIA. I was looking for him last night to help me with Olivia and he was no where to be found. So I got the kids all dressed for our important family moment - Parade of Nations - They loved it! they sat through the entire two hours, it was so cool to explain to them, in a muffled voice due to too much crying, how this is when people from all over the world come together to compete. It is where race, creed, color, political bull crap and all other nonsense are put aside and people are just that people. I absolutely love what the Olympics stand for and I have always wanted to be in them despite my inability to play sports! If child rearing became a sport I feel I would have a fair shot at the podium. So here are some pics of the kids in their Canadian Grub. Rylie would not pose with the other three but her single shot is pretty cute!

Olivia, Ty and Oliver

Rylie



When it was time for China to walk around the track with their flag, I completely lost it when Yao Ming and a little Chinese boy carried out the flag, Ty put his arm around me and said "momma it's ok someone will win. Please don't cry!" I tried to explain to him that I was crying because it is such a cool thing that despite all the bad that goes on people can all come together and compete. He looked at me and said " then why aren't you acting cool?"