Twas the night before....

Christmas!!!! The kids are watching Santa Paws 2 in the boys room I'm waiting for them to crash so I can start and finish my wrapping. This year has been a year of re birthing in so many ways! Tonight just knowing the kids and I and safe and happy is the best present I could ask for. Last year I did not know how or if I was going to finish nursing school and today I have a permanent line in our beautiful ER. Last year I had no idea how I was going to get through each day.. Today I know I have friends co workers and family members that lift me up continuously. Last year financially it was not possible to get through but I did, not alone though with the love and support of others. I have been blessed with meeting professionals who have loved the children and I and listened to us on a weekly basis, guiding, encouraging and supporting us. I am blessed for what I have and for what the future holds. The last year at times was hell pure hell, so to sit here in my house with my lovely babies and the Christmas tree glowing to me is a miracle, I honestly didn't think it was possible. Merry Christmas ! May the simple joys pile up and overpower the negativity!

Love

As the holidays are here :) I'm feeling grateful for my sweet children for the love they show me and for our laughter. They are each so unique and beautiful and I feel blessed to care and love for them.
Ty you are my mini me, stubborn determined and genuinely care for others, I love you.
Rylie you are my angel you are beautiful and strong, emotional and loving.
Oliver you are our laughter, you are the most strong willed person I have met and I'm proud to be your mum.
Olivia you are sweet and feisty! Delicate and headstrong, you bring so much joy to my life!!!

Holidays

Holidays have sadly become hard for me, I've grown more in 12 months then I had hoped too... seen the love of family members, and experienced support from co workers in a way I could not have imagined. As we try to pick up the pieces and create new memories it saddens me that past memories are tainted. Saddens me that we have to swim harder to just breathe.

I know we will make it out shining that we will find peace, the journey some days is harder than others.

I have family and friends near and far people that have chosen to be there for me and have not passed judgment . For that I am grateful....

I think sometimes that I think too much especially when my mind is racing of what is expected of me both spoken and non verbal. I think about bills, I think about love, I think about why and I think about time.

I find myself overwhelmed with the tasks ahead and an reminded of my days with four kids under the age of 3! I did it I smiled I laughed and I was happy surely four kids under the age of 8 is more than doable its attainable.

I have been blessed with determined little fighters who together with me, there typically overwhelmed mum get through each day. There has not been one day in the past year that I have not been loved and helped by those that mean the world to me. I truly don't know how to begin to repay them.....

This holiday season we will eat too much chocolate... We will create lasting memories we simply cannot forget as its the first holiday in years we are safe and can just be as we are.

Merry Christmas!!! Happy Chanukah and just a really good December!!!!