late, early, middle of the night/day

as i type i am currently on my first break during a 7pm to 7am shift on the psychiatric unit. i have no clue what time it is, if I'm supposed to eat, sleep or eat my cashews! none the less i am grateful for my job, the people i work with and the patients i care for. i miss my hubby :( i miss my kids :( and i miss my 2 fur balls that sleep with me :( i suppose i am feeling sorry for myself at 1:35 am and felt the need to share it with the blogging world. tonight was literally 'crazy' on the unit, it is under construction and all the patients have to be in half the unit and bunk with other patients while the construction crew remodels! so there have been physical altercations, death threats, paranoid patients at a heightened state of paranoia, post partum depression mothers missing their babies and crying... you get the picture, i cant wait to go home and hug my munckins and kiss my hubby!

The Lion....The Popsicle...The Reader

The Lion and The Popsicle...

This cat is living up to her name in size literally! She is a lion in the making, she has tripled her size in less than 3 weeks!!!

She absolutely loves it outside because her partner in crime Lucifee spends his days lounging in the grass rain or shine. So instead of policing the front door I am intorducing her to the great outdoors. There is no way this snuggly bedroom sleeping cat will be soley an outsider as you will see in the following pics, she is content being packed around by kids all day :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I love popsicles and the 20 minutes of solitude they grant me?

Miss livie lou feeding Azlan some grass

Todd was rather surprised when he came home from church to find a cat :) (oops!) however he has been great, he says that he might be upset but he can see how happy she makes me. He also seemed confused as to why I hold her like a baby, doesnt everyone hold kittens like babies and sing them lullabies?

She is gunna be huge!!! On the bright side she licks us all non stop and purrs like a motor boat. Her and Lucifee are buddies, except for when Azlan attacks Lucifees face and then Lucifee heads back outside.

Another moment today of popsicle heaven, I dont recall how many they have consumed, all I know is their toungues and clothes are stained!

Yes it is true I produce tall girls and short boys! However they are the swiftest boys in the land.

Boys that love their sisters



The Reader...

Ty is in the advanced reading group in his class (proud mama moment) and on this day he was part of skit that his group presented to the rest of the class!

Ahh I love this guy:)

Ty exhausted after his narrator role of The Little Red Robin was over!

Ty with one of his many lady friends miss Kiana.

LOVES

I love my new little(BIG) nephew:) Lennox!!! He is just so dang cute! I love that when Ty held him he just stared and rubbed his sweet face and wouldnt let him go. I also love all my other nieces and nephews and wished we all could live closer together. I love that Ty practices his slap shot nightly and when his partner in crime, Alex, sometimes accidently slashes his face he quote ''takes it like a man and walks it off'' :) I love that the hockey net was free on usednanaimo.com and the sticks were 8 bucks, I love that Noni wants to look like Todd and have me dye his hair dark and that Todd would be ok with me doing it! (I however think hair dye is for adults). I love that Rylie has an adorable new do and she thinks she looks like Tangled when her hair is cut and turns brown. I love that Olivia insists on applying chapstick 30000 times a day. I love that I made ribs for the first time and they rocked. I love that Todd says ''BOWCHICKABOWBOW''. I love that Noni says ''nana nana boop scotch'' instead of nana nana boo boo.

Heres to hoping I survive this med/surg clinical, PEG feeding tubes, bodily fluids, IV's, subcus, apical pulses and edema are killing me!!!!!! I cannot wait to be back in the locked psychiatric unit doing mini mentals and early psychosis interventions. On a somewhat side note I thought having four kids qualified me as a poop know it all, but today I was made aware that I have not seen everything in the world of poop and that is that.

I

The sometimes scary but always fulfilling...

I am very nervous.... I start my position as an Employed Student Nurse this Sunday and I kind of feel like peeing my pants! In the past 11 months I have done, seen and said things I had never anticipated doing.

In response to are you afraid to die? "No, becasue I know my loved ones will be waiting for me''.
- I had never thought about that question until a sweet patient who I feel in love with asked me, she then looked at me and told me ''I will watch out for you from up there'', and then passed away hours later.

In response to why cant you stop the drugs from falling from the ceiling and stop the men from coming in my room? ''I can see that you are very upset and scared by what you are seeing, I will go and check again and rest asured I will check on you each hour and make sure they are not in your room''.
- Tyring to comfort someone who is seeing things that are real to them but no one else is saddening and difficult, trying to remain sympathetic without truely acknowledging and playing into their delusions remains a constant challenge.

I asked my patient last week if he wanted help taking a shower and he began to cry and said he was too weak and I would have to do all the work and he was embaressed. I grabbed his hand and reassured him that there was nothing to be embaressed about and that it would really help him feel better.
-I am doing things as a nurse that I didnt anticipate a Registered Psychiatric Nurse would have to do, but once thrown into the fire(as my insturctor would say) I feel one step closer to giving back and helping people.

There are some shifts where I cry driving home and journal for a long time with questions for my Heavenly Father, why can he permit such horrific abuse? mental illness? fetal alcohol syndrome?
I know the answer and the reasons we can make our own choices, it is heartbreaking to see adults suffer because of what has happened to them as children, it is devastating to wonder if someone can ever experience true happiness and if they will ever be free from anguish.
I dont want to be one of those nurses who forgets that her patients are real I want to be able to care without it taking its toll on me emotionally, I am sure it will be a balancing act...
The other aspect of Psychiatric Nursing is the agression and violence aspect which can strike at any time by patients that are very labile. It is frightning and last night I had my first 'close' encounter with being decked in the face! I have usually been out of the way in the other situations but this time, I was the only one she was kind of responding to and so I was the closest and thankfully the very large capable security guards were close and intervened. I believe my heart came through my throat in that moment, it really drives home the point of always being on guard.

Heres to another long stretch of days at the hospital ! Ra Ra oh and on a funny note I came up with an acronym to remember the 7 Rights!
The Pants Didnt Drop Down Ra Ra
Right Time
Right Patient
Right Dose
Right Drug
Right Documentation
Right Reason
Right Route
My instructor thought it was pretty dope! LOL