Tendencies

I reconnected with my birth dad on August 27 2011 and he has been a daily aspect of my life since. I needed it, he needed it and I feel blessed. When I reconnected with him I felt like a large portion of my heart had been filled. Through all the bull**** with the unnamed I was married too, through the heartache and pain he was there supporting me. He drove out on Saturday from Alberta to bring me a new vehicle and meet my munchkins, eat ice cream and laugh. He is in addition to my father who raised me and still loves me, I gained a whole family and see why I'm so quirky and read too many books, I wave my hands about when I talk like uncle Glen, I laugh like einie I talk too much I have crazy curls I take Metamucil three times a day and my chocolate almond addiction is generational. My kids loved every minute of getting to know a part of who I came from and aside from the car and financial support since August I have had consistent love and an emotional support that has truly helped me graduate and feel like its going to be ok. I am my words and I have so much I want to say to help me heal however I know that some will use my words as ammo and I won't give them that opportunity. I am a survivor not a victim my children are the strongest little people I know, they too are heroes in my eyes and will cone out if this storm with their heads held high. II had a heart to heart with my Rylie Dawn Alwyn tonight and as much as it hurts I look at her and know she will help so many in her time. She loves like no one I know and fights even harder. My Ty squeezes my hand three times to let me know he loves me and I return the squeezes. Noni brings us continual laughter and energy and Livie Lou is the most delicate Venus Fly Trap u have ever met! I am one blessed woman I have a career that I cherish four children who were sent to lift me up..... I am here and it is now and u will keep fighting for what I believe in and I will work my *** off to heal my cherubs and provide for their every need. I will spend too much money on skin care and snort when I laugh! I will eat gluten free( begrudgingly) and take the bloody garbage up the hill. I will teach my children that love is essential kindness will be given to everyone and judgement will be excluded from their vocabulary. I will most likely raise my voice too much and continually beg for more patience. I will work on becoming published and grow my hair so long you think I think I'm freaking Emily Bronte!!!

Lost in translation...

I have been warped somewhere between too much on my plate and there is still too much on my plate however I now don't have to study... For me this means I am attempting to adjust to my life post nursing school. I am catching way more of my fav shows, chilling with kiddos, attempting but never successful with the laundry :) and reading for enjoyment!!! There are also challenges the kiddos and I are facing that have pretty much shook me to the core and made me question, scream, cry, collapse, punch pillows and rely on friends and family to keep me afloat... None the less we are here  facing each day with smiles (sometimes not so much), I am a happily graduated Registered Psychiatric Nurse, my kids will be returning from a dream vacation from Alberta with my parents tomorrow. I am so grateful they were able to go they have been through more since March 6 2012 then anyone should have to go through and they were in need of an escape.

In the role I play as a nurse I never thought I would have to access the resources I tell my patients to access... humbling doesn't even begin to describe how it feels, but I work with some amazing peeps who are supportive and awesome and I have interacted with different community agencies both as a nurse and a  mother/consumer.

So one last night to myself, one more morning with the option of sleeping in (even though my internal clock wakes up at 6am daily with or without kids!) and then I get to see my rugrats:)