CRT & CPR & ME

My Uncle whom I love dearly was having some health issues and during the course of our emails he ended up giving me more support than I thought I was giving him :)
C-Go to Church
P- Pray often
R- Read your scriptures

Thank you Uncle Tim for your simple yet profound advice, we talked about Old Chief a mountain in Cardston Alberta that reminds me of strength and hope, we talked about flying, we talked about the gospel and how when you need it most it can seem far away. My Uncle Tim is a man who I have always loved, I had a crush on him when I was a little girl, I loved going flying with him and hanging out in his airplane hanger looking at his paintings, and playing with his labradors.
I have always mastered one or two of the CPR's yet never all three at the same time, and now that my actual use of CPR(medical) takes up most of my time and CRT (Crisis Response Team), it may be a while before I can master all three.

Crisis Response Team has been the most amazing opportunity to date in my schooling. We are all RPN's, RN's, Psychologist and Psychiatrists and we respond to crisis's in the community and the ER . The part I love the most is that I do not leave until the crisis is resolved, it is fulfilling and exciting, adrenaline inducing, saddening and hopeful. When I was offered the position of ESN (employed student nurse) I have been given some amazing opportunitites, one of them working with CRT which by the way is where I want to work once I am done school in 10 months! I love it, I feel like I actually can make an impact. I get called in and the patients seem relieved to see me, I'm not the intake nurse who questions and sometimes judges, becasue mental health patients in the ER seem to ''annoy'' the staff, heaven forbid we see the brain as part of the phsyical body! Seriously changing that stigma is on my to do list. I hug them, laugh with them, cry and educate them, find them safe housing, detox centres, rehab facilities, liason them with community resources that will help them and a lot of the time suggest they be admitted and commited under the mental health act.

I have met some of the most incredible people and feel inadequete next to their experience and knowledge, but the one thing I am learning is that we all have something to share and give to others. I also suppose the reason I am blogging so much since starting my internship with CRT is because it is emotionally taxing and I need to express the feelings :)
Me, I need some immediate CPR and CRT on myself in a bad way, I have always seen the good in people and sometimes that is awesome and sometimes it means my good intentions are taken advantage of. I am going to listen to myself when I counsel my patients and take the advice home and actually put it into practice.

I nearly adopted a 17 yr old on Saturday and brought her home! Not even joking, her story was something that not even 50 people should have endured and there she was all alone, needing a mum, needing encouragment, tips on applying eyeliner and support. Is it too much to ask that a child have a loving parent who cares for them? When my kids are older and I am feeling emptynesty I know I will have to take the older children with no one in, it just feels right. Sometimes when I look at the sky and see the clouds, the beauty of the ocean and hear the rain, i wonder how admist the beauty there can be such devastation, the most devastating part of her story was that she didnt even know how awful it was. Todd didnt even seem shocked that I was going to bring her home :) I guess he knows me and my heartng and I love him for putting up with all my emotionalness lately! When I was leaving and saying goodbye to her she wouldnt let go she just held onto me, I told her she was beautiful and deserving of love, safety and shelter and that I would make sure she received all of the above as best as I could. She looked at me and said why are you doing this for me, and I told her she was worth it, she was worth me wanting to adopt her, me crying and being moody for two days because I officially know I cant save anyone, I can only help and educate. Pray for this young girl she needs all the angels she can get right now.
good night..

Aliens, The Mothership and Low Self Esteem

Today I realized I can handle the patient who has literally just gotten off the mother ship and feels i am an evil alien than the young boy who has no self esteem. It really effected me, he was young, too young to hate himself, not that we should hate our selves at any age but he was much too young. It really drove home the point of self esteem and me wanting my children to not only have healthy self esteem but for them to be kind to others. The effects of bullying are devastating and to see them present in this young man was heart breaking, especially since he truly feels he is not worth even the conversation that I had with him, he kept appologizing for taking up my time, not matter how much I told him he was worth even more time than I had to give him he simply just didnt see it. I feel the importance of having self esteem and treating other kindly and selflessly go hand in hand.
The mother ship sorted itself out and in the end I was still the bad alien and for some strange reason I can digest those moments more than seeing something that could have been preventable. I always see my patietns as my children and it breaks my hearts their family members arnt there to support them(which happens more than not), it hurts to hear what happened to them as children and at the end of the day I couldnt imagine doing anything else as a career even though at times the stories make me want to vomit literally. I am greatful I have the opportunity to help people who need it, to work with people who have taught me more than I could ever teach them and to teach my children the importance of mental health- which by the way is something we all posess, and 1in 4 of us will have or be directly affected by mental illness in our lifetime! I am working with some union representives to start educating in the schools about mental health and mental illness and I am really excited to see where this goes! Education is key and since I am on a soap box these issues and dilemmas need to be taught to our children so they are not ignorant to the realities of mental illness, so they use compassion instead of judgments and so that we can try and stop the hurt.

The Look of Love

I have began to realize just how much I write, use words and express myself through them! I read 100-250pgs of text books a week, I read my essays after writing them for days, I read my patients charts and Dr.'s orders, I write my case studies and care plans, I read stories to my patients...
Speaking of reading to patients, my one patient wanted me to read to her and all she had was a murderous steamy romance novel! oh dear and the impact of her anerisms had made her fixated on death and s.. soooo I felt the need to change the entire story line! LOL after I read three chapters of my imagination and not the words I was seeing, she said 'that is a reallllly bad novel!'. and ps those steamy romance novels made me blush and shocked you can buy them at the dollar store!

I love that I am learning, I love that through reading and writing I am able to increase my financial earnings x1000%, I love that it makes me a more well rounded peep, I love that it makes me smile and scream in frustration at how long the chp is!

So here is where my head/face/mind has been for the past umpteen longish 2 years :)
(when i locate my camera i shall photograph the gazillions of books including the one that weighs... are you ready... 21 lbs!!!!)

and in case you are wondering who is caring for my kidlets, they are building forts, screaming at each other, digging for dino bones, sneaking in the snack cupboard, gettting into my makeup, and begging me to put their feather extensions in their hair! So they are fine and my mind may or may not explode.
(and this is where a pic of my kids will be)

and I am now blonde LOL, you can put the hairdresser in nursing scrubs but you cant take the hairdresser away for good!
(and here you shall see my new tresses!!)

late, early, middle of the night/day

as i type i am currently on my first break during a 7pm to 7am shift on the psychiatric unit. i have no clue what time it is, if I'm supposed to eat, sleep or eat my cashews! none the less i am grateful for my job, the people i work with and the patients i care for. i miss my hubby :( i miss my kids :( and i miss my 2 fur balls that sleep with me :( i suppose i am feeling sorry for myself at 1:35 am and felt the need to share it with the blogging world. tonight was literally 'crazy' on the unit, it is under construction and all the patients have to be in half the unit and bunk with other patients while the construction crew remodels! so there have been physical altercations, death threats, paranoid patients at a heightened state of paranoia, post partum depression mothers missing their babies and crying... you get the picture, i cant wait to go home and hug my munckins and kiss my hubby!

The Lion....The Popsicle...The Reader

The Lion and The Popsicle...

This cat is living up to her name in size literally! She is a lion in the making, she has tripled her size in less than 3 weeks!!!

She absolutely loves it outside because her partner in crime Lucifee spends his days lounging in the grass rain or shine. So instead of policing the front door I am intorducing her to the great outdoors. There is no way this snuggly bedroom sleeping cat will be soley an outsider as you will see in the following pics, she is content being packed around by kids all day :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I love popsicles and the 20 minutes of solitude they grant me?

Miss livie lou feeding Azlan some grass

Todd was rather surprised when he came home from church to find a cat :) (oops!) however he has been great, he says that he might be upset but he can see how happy she makes me. He also seemed confused as to why I hold her like a baby, doesnt everyone hold kittens like babies and sing them lullabies?

She is gunna be huge!!! On the bright side she licks us all non stop and purrs like a motor boat. Her and Lucifee are buddies, except for when Azlan attacks Lucifees face and then Lucifee heads back outside.

Another moment today of popsicle heaven, I dont recall how many they have consumed, all I know is their toungues and clothes are stained!

Yes it is true I produce tall girls and short boys! However they are the swiftest boys in the land.

Boys that love their sisters



The Reader...

Ty is in the advanced reading group in his class (proud mama moment) and on this day he was part of skit that his group presented to the rest of the class!

Ahh I love this guy:)

Ty exhausted after his narrator role of The Little Red Robin was over!

Ty with one of his many lady friends miss Kiana.

LOVES

I love my new little(BIG) nephew:) Lennox!!! He is just so dang cute! I love that when Ty held him he just stared and rubbed his sweet face and wouldnt let him go. I also love all my other nieces and nephews and wished we all could live closer together. I love that Ty practices his slap shot nightly and when his partner in crime, Alex, sometimes accidently slashes his face he quote ''takes it like a man and walks it off'' :) I love that the hockey net was free on usednanaimo.com and the sticks were 8 bucks, I love that Noni wants to look like Todd and have me dye his hair dark and that Todd would be ok with me doing it! (I however think hair dye is for adults). I love that Rylie has an adorable new do and she thinks she looks like Tangled when her hair is cut and turns brown. I love that Olivia insists on applying chapstick 30000 times a day. I love that I made ribs for the first time and they rocked. I love that Todd says ''BOWCHICKABOWBOW''. I love that Noni says ''nana nana boop scotch'' instead of nana nana boo boo.

Heres to hoping I survive this med/surg clinical, PEG feeding tubes, bodily fluids, IV's, subcus, apical pulses and edema are killing me!!!!!! I cannot wait to be back in the locked psychiatric unit doing mini mentals and early psychosis interventions. On a somewhat side note I thought having four kids qualified me as a poop know it all, but today I was made aware that I have not seen everything in the world of poop and that is that.

I

The sometimes scary but always fulfilling...

I am very nervous.... I start my position as an Employed Student Nurse this Sunday and I kind of feel like peeing my pants! In the past 11 months I have done, seen and said things I had never anticipated doing.

In response to are you afraid to die? "No, becasue I know my loved ones will be waiting for me''.
- I had never thought about that question until a sweet patient who I feel in love with asked me, she then looked at me and told me ''I will watch out for you from up there'', and then passed away hours later.

In response to why cant you stop the drugs from falling from the ceiling and stop the men from coming in my room? ''I can see that you are very upset and scared by what you are seeing, I will go and check again and rest asured I will check on you each hour and make sure they are not in your room''.
- Tyring to comfort someone who is seeing things that are real to them but no one else is saddening and difficult, trying to remain sympathetic without truely acknowledging and playing into their delusions remains a constant challenge.

I asked my patient last week if he wanted help taking a shower and he began to cry and said he was too weak and I would have to do all the work and he was embaressed. I grabbed his hand and reassured him that there was nothing to be embaressed about and that it would really help him feel better.
-I am doing things as a nurse that I didnt anticipate a Registered Psychiatric Nurse would have to do, but once thrown into the fire(as my insturctor would say) I feel one step closer to giving back and helping people.

There are some shifts where I cry driving home and journal for a long time with questions for my Heavenly Father, why can he permit such horrific abuse? mental illness? fetal alcohol syndrome?
I know the answer and the reasons we can make our own choices, it is heartbreaking to see adults suffer because of what has happened to them as children, it is devastating to wonder if someone can ever experience true happiness and if they will ever be free from anguish.
I dont want to be one of those nurses who forgets that her patients are real I want to be able to care without it taking its toll on me emotionally, I am sure it will be a balancing act...
The other aspect of Psychiatric Nursing is the agression and violence aspect which can strike at any time by patients that are very labile. It is frightning and last night I had my first 'close' encounter with being decked in the face! I have usually been out of the way in the other situations but this time, I was the only one she was kind of responding to and so I was the closest and thankfully the very large capable security guards were close and intervened. I believe my heart came through my throat in that moment, it really drives home the point of always being on guard.

Heres to another long stretch of days at the hospital ! Ra Ra oh and on a funny note I came up with an acronym to remember the 7 Rights!
The Pants Didnt Drop Down Ra Ra
Right Time
Right Patient
Right Dose
Right Drug
Right Documentation
Right Reason
Right Route
My instructor thought it was pretty dope! LOL