The sometimes scary but always fulfilling...

I am very nervous.... I start my position as an Employed Student Nurse this Sunday and I kind of feel like peeing my pants! In the past 11 months I have done, seen and said things I had never anticipated doing.

In response to are you afraid to die? "No, becasue I know my loved ones will be waiting for me''.
- I had never thought about that question until a sweet patient who I feel in love with asked me, she then looked at me and told me ''I will watch out for you from up there'', and then passed away hours later.

In response to why cant you stop the drugs from falling from the ceiling and stop the men from coming in my room? ''I can see that you are very upset and scared by what you are seeing, I will go and check again and rest asured I will check on you each hour and make sure they are not in your room''.
- Tyring to comfort someone who is seeing things that are real to them but no one else is saddening and difficult, trying to remain sympathetic without truely acknowledging and playing into their delusions remains a constant challenge.

I asked my patient last week if he wanted help taking a shower and he began to cry and said he was too weak and I would have to do all the work and he was embaressed. I grabbed his hand and reassured him that there was nothing to be embaressed about and that it would really help him feel better.
-I am doing things as a nurse that I didnt anticipate a Registered Psychiatric Nurse would have to do, but once thrown into the fire(as my insturctor would say) I feel one step closer to giving back and helping people.

There are some shifts where I cry driving home and journal for a long time with questions for my Heavenly Father, why can he permit such horrific abuse? mental illness? fetal alcohol syndrome?
I know the answer and the reasons we can make our own choices, it is heartbreaking to see adults suffer because of what has happened to them as children, it is devastating to wonder if someone can ever experience true happiness and if they will ever be free from anguish.
I dont want to be one of those nurses who forgets that her patients are real I want to be able to care without it taking its toll on me emotionally, I am sure it will be a balancing act...
The other aspect of Psychiatric Nursing is the agression and violence aspect which can strike at any time by patients that are very labile. It is frightning and last night I had my first 'close' encounter with being decked in the face! I have usually been out of the way in the other situations but this time, I was the only one she was kind of responding to and so I was the closest and thankfully the very large capable security guards were close and intervened. I believe my heart came through my throat in that moment, it really drives home the point of always being on guard.

Heres to another long stretch of days at the hospital ! Ra Ra oh and on a funny note I came up with an acronym to remember the 7 Rights!
The Pants Didnt Drop Down Ra Ra
Right Time
Right Patient
Right Dose
Right Drug
Right Documentation
Right Reason
Right Route
My instructor thought it was pretty dope! LOL