Grateful for simple

One thing I didn't realize before I started my career was the sorrow and loss people experience every day. Kids are dumped in ER because their foster parents don't want them not to mention what their birth parents did. Teenagers cut themselves so they can feel. Elderly men and women have no one to see them to the end. Mothers and fathers end their lives because the hurt is too much. The drugs on the street are so potent they can kill with one injection. People choose illicit substances over their children. People suffer from mental illness and battle the persecutory voices in their heads. I would like to think there's more good than bad but most days my job confirms that there's an awful lot of horror.

I'm grateful my kids get grumpy and go through the recycle I organized to make transformer outfits. I'm glad I get to come home and see their shoes and crawl into bed with at least Oliver who has convinced my mum he needs to sleep in my bed:) I'm grateful my mum cares for them while I work. So grateful.

Pickled beans and coconut chocolate cookies

I baked cookies and brought milk he was touched and gave me homemade pickled beans.... Sometimes simple gestures can bring such calm.

My grandpa loved birds we would go to the grocery store and buy loads of bread and feed the birds a top his garage.

A crow pooped on me.

On my walk with livie a crow landed on a statue and we watched and giggled.

A story of a crow was told.

I have always loved birds sometimes life puts events and encounters in our path and it all connects like a puzzle at some point. I don't know why this particular case has hit home with me but it has. It's helped cement how blessed I am for what
I have.

Crows

The people I meet and try to help suffer in a way that no human should. Tonight I listened as a man shared just one horror that he went through as a child. Looking in his eyes was hard.. His pain was still present over 40 years later. He told me how he ran climbed a tree and bashed his head till it bled. It was all he could do to try and numb the pain he then ran to a playground and a crow landed on his finger. He kept the crow for a month it didn't leave his side till he went back to the playground and he flew away. In that moment not one person comforted him but that crow brought him hope. Where was a person someone to hold him? Someone to care? There really are times when people have no one ...

The reason he ran to that tree is a reason the death penalty should exist. It's the reason I get so angry with this world.

All I have ever wanted is for my kids to know that no matter the trauma they endured I love then and am trying to do everything to help. I see him... older and still believing that no one cares. It breaks my heart.

It's easy to get lost in our lives of busy and stress and forget that there truly are people suffering to a degree that is unimaginable. I don't ever want to be a person that is too busy to care, too busy to look outside of myself and not help. The next time you see someone pushing a shopping cart with bottles or getting short with their children, a person wearing not as much clothing as you would, a person who won't smile or anyone other than yourself ... They are human and we all hurt and bleed blood.

It's not enough to say but there's so much good too. There isn't. There's enough awful to keep me and thousands of other people employed for life.

I guess tonight just hit me, he touched my heart....

Quick

Happiness now to me is not what I think I should be doing based on what others tell me what will make me happy. I'm learning each day what actually makes me happy. I now know that the daily task of being a mum, dad, career woman, stay at home mum on my days off etc.. Makes me happy, sad angry elated giggle snort kick the door and collapse at night. So in a nut shell happy :)

And bows they make me very happy

Ginger roots and matcha

We had a great adventure packed two days in Vancouver! Throw in a night of luxury and we were thrilled. It felt great to get away and leave the rock we call home, with that said we were so happy to set sail and come home.
I had a huge pilgrimage on my hands with four kids in a big city. I realized I'm terrified of driving over bridges even though getting lost had us driving over lots. My kids went mad with me driving I'm circles past Helmcken Street! Ty said " mum if you drive past Helmcken one more time I'm pulling the car over and driving!"

It reminded me of Paris and my dad driving in a roundabout for 45 minutes cursing in Afrikaans ! I cursed up a storm and am grateful I live on an island :)

When we pulled up to the Sheraton and the valet took out car Oliver asked him not to steal it. Rylie walked into our suite and nearly peed her pants! Which was nothing compared to the look on their faces when the room service came in on wheels with a nice man dressed to the hills. We ate spaghetti n meatballs like kings looking out out window at the city that never sleeps from 14 stories high.
We had a visit from a dear friend and the kids were tucked into duvet heaven.

Science world was experienced as was the Asian market which I was so happy about, showing the kids the treats I used to save my pocket money to buy in Hong Kong. Then the pictures came ... Over a handful of sweet Asian tourists came up to take their pictures and rub their blonde hair , it was hilarious once they knew their pictures were being taken they all posed!

A cop rolled his window down as we walked across the crosswalk and yelled " they all yours? Good on ya!" We drew a lot of attention and the kids loved it.

Granville island was a blast as was walking in Kitsilano and walking Robson next time China town here we come!!

Rylie is my emotionally insightful child she wanted to know why people pushed shopping carts and slept in doorways, she wanted to know about China's one child policy about why the city with " so much money has people sleeping on the cold ground".

Ty felt like the older wiser one walking around with his hands in his pockets spelling out signs for Oliver. Olivia and Rylie decided they are saving up and moving to Vancouver so they can get a puppy and walk the streets! Ty and Oliver decided to keep living with me through university.

As I type aka on my I phone

Cause my laptop bit the dust hours after I submitted my last nursing school paper which is well over 1.5 years ago:)

I'm eating copious amounts of banana peppers on my gluten free pizza. Watching pvr tv shows while the boys are upstairs and the girls are with their grandma. I cleaned and cooked and organized the hutch for Easter :) my puppy is snuggled up with me and I'm content. Eat pray love made me want to jet set to Rome and Bali to find myself instead ill relax and check out my scar in my foot that seems to be getting bigger lol

Our Alberta road trip took a stand still due to financial and children appointments. So instead were going to hit Vancouver for some art museum and science world visits and of course a hotel with a pool!

Since not working nights I have stepped back into the human realm I feel great! I'm blessed my career gives and has so many options to do my job! I love the crisis team and that's where I am right now. Don't get me wrong the stuff we encounter is stuff u just don't think actually happens to people and sometimes it's hard to leave it at the office.

Ill be buying a wood pyramid to fill with plants and love :) ill be kissing my kids and fighting with them at bedtime and that's where I am right now.

Ill also be buying button shoes and bamboo bracelets cause they are just too awesome to pass up. I love my kids I love my job and I'm happy ... Most of the time I try to figure out things and answer the "why" . I know deep down the answers won't come and what happened happened and the reality of accepting and taking steps forward is hard. It's hard because I see so much wrong with our system of justice and it saddens me...

One day ill take on the government and the justice system..

Oblivious energizer bunny and such

Often times just keep going well most times it's the way to go. I've found that if I'm oblivious to the difficulties that come with four young kids on my I get through it with a smile. When I focus on the how what when where why who I become overwhelmed and pity sets in. I was asked yesterday at work how I did it with four kids under the age of 3 on my own and there's lots of reasons; people dropping off paper plates, myself preparing months of frozen dinners while ready to pop! Amazing friends, family, and an oblivious attitude that to some it was not doable! I think telling someone there choices are awful and not achievable is detrimental and painful. Not something I ever want to say or do. I'm happy I ignored 99% of people and their options and direction " they felt I should take" I'm happy that I went to nursing school when once again the insults came in, if its insulting to educate yourself to provide a better life for your children then he'll yes I'm insulting.

I would not have had the courage to call my birth dad who is a now permanent fixture and I'm over the moon.

I wouldn't have watched my coworker get locked in a cop car lol cause there's no handles!!! Lol awesome day

I would be able to take my kids on day trip to explore and meet birds

Rylie would not have seen Justin Bieber In Vancouver

Birthday trips to Coombs and writing our names in the sand with our new puppy would not be possible on the less than human wage I made as a hairdresser. And of course the lovely covering her face :) wouldn't have met her had I not gone to school.

There's also the pride and accomplishment for me and really grasping the importance of education. No matter your marital status it if you have kids...