Exhausted

Tys injections cost between 25,000 and 35,000 a year till he's 19. Waiting to hear if we get a compassionate grant .. Rylie has a book report due and she can't read.. Oliver is restless in class and Olivia's showing signs of having dyslexia as well... Tys braces, three other kids in glasses, ortho, wart removals and muffin baking.. Add in full time registered psychiatric nurse mum who doesn't get home till 1930 4 nights a week and I'm feeling impossible. Five breakfasts, lunches, suppers and 3 snacks times four kids by 0830 each day.. Laundry.. Puppy duty and  cat loving... 

I wouldn't change my life for a thing and I would add in reinforcements however I don't have them... So until that day magically arrives... I'll keep trudging and pleading to the karma peeps to send some breaks and if it doesn't happen I'll try and be appreciative Of the 6 hrs of sleep in a warm home each night. 

Ugh

Ugh 

I've never  been one to sugar coat cat crap.. I can take living room Instagram pics like everyone else but it's not real.. It's a figment of a moment I hope to display... what I strive for.. Because part of me thinks it matters.. But it doesn't...

What i actually have is a laundry room. Full of laundry and bedrooms full of beds that are slept in. 

A maple syrup dripping fridge with expired  lettuce and fresh beer that's real.

We pick up our new baby hazel tomorrow, I should probably pluck my eyebrows and God knows my legs need shaving... Nonetheless I'll pass out in gravol bliss arise to a gravol low and do it all again... Kids, dog, cats, nurse, kids, snack, Netflix, pass out... Bills you know the rest 

Motherhood

It has it's trials, it's triumphs and those days you're convinced not only the stars are stacked against you but so is the dishwasher... 

Ty's been followed for years by specialists about his height and it's been a struggle; he's been bullied, he's cried, I feel frustrated I can't make it better. 

Seeing the paediatric endocrinologist from children's hospital yesterday answered questions  and left more unanswered. 

Ty looked at her and said "please make me normal" ... As a mum it broke my heart.

The meds cost 20,000 a year and I'm so grateful I'm a nurse with benefits and a Canadian. What my plan won't cover the drug company will on a compassionate basis. 

He will need daily injections of hormones which I will administer till he's 19 and were awaiting lab and  genetic testing to see if he also has celiac disease, or any other thyroid or pituitary abnormalities. 

Rylie has two learning disabilities and anxiety and last year she went from not knowing her alphabet at 8 years of age and today she now knows her alphabet and 75 sight words!!! Her amazing progress gives me hope for Ty's journey. 

Nothing in life comes without struggle except eating chocolate that is easy and lovely :) 

Oliver and Olivia are growing tons! Olivia much quicker :) Oliver's awaiting his turn to loose teeth, Olivia's sketching all the time. They're a bundle if fun, double the trouble and double the joy. They're both happy to be out of kindergarten and into the big grade 1 :) 

Our family is awaiting the arrival of our sweet Hazel Butterscotch Noël on December 19th!! 

Loosing our dog Louis a year ago has been hard and not one day has gone by that Olivia hasn't shed a tear or needed a hug and asked to look at pics of him. 

Our lives are rich and full of laundry, endless never ending rarely folded who cares about sorting laundry... 

Rational vs irrational

Conversing with those in ignorance is like talking to a styrofoam cup... all it's capable of holding is hot water. 

Yet part of me thinks "they'll get it" "they'll employ empathy" "they'll see judgment and scorn" have no place. 

I'm passionate about issues related to mental health and addictions and I have 0 tolerance for those who don't. 

I'm at a phase where I'm trying to be tolerant and walk away from situations, conversations and articles that are cruel. 

However it's hard, it's hard when what's being said is so negative and I have fact based knowledge.... to say nothing. 

I was reminded tonight that it's not possible to have a rational conversation with those coming from an irrational belief. 

At a base level life could appear to be simple when we have our basic needs met; food, housing,  love. Sadly we don't all have that... Add in illness both mental and physical, socio economic concerns, addictions, abuse... Needless to say it's not very simple. 

It's my birthday and my kids are camping

It's my birthday and my kids will be camping and I'm OK with it. It's the first time in 10 years I've had a birthday and not had ANY of my babies with me. 

I'm not sad I'm happy! I'm happy because my kids are with their auntie and uncle and cousins camping on Miracle Beach, I'm happy because I'll be at work earning money to pay for activities, housing, food, clothes, braces, glasses and opportunities. 

I'm OK being "alone" as society would like to peg it because I'm more than being a single mum, I'm more than being a nurse... I'm Chelsea! And spending an evening with me, moi, Chelsea is a good thing. 

Too often we have a role either chosen for us, fallen into or what we think we are and the notion of being "alone" or engaging in self care is somehow selfish. News flash it's healthy, it's healthy to love oneself enough to be with oneself without guilt and prejudice. 

Happy 32 to me:) 

Incase your lacking inspiration spring like a 6 year old boy and pinch your butt cheeks and jump !!! Worst case scenario is a little belly flop rash! 

Lots a bride never a bridesmaid!

I'm going to be a bridesmaid!!!! 

Milla is gorgeous, talented and an

amazing mum! 

She also is a part of my heart for being the one with me when Oliver and Olivia were born. She cut their cords, she held them and kissed them before me... 

I love you Milla and I'm so honoured to be with you on your special day! 

I can't think of a better human to break my bridesmaid virginity with!!! 

Feeling salty

I've come to the realization that I don't do crowds nor do I socialize well in large groups. I'm 100% fine with both however  others are not! 

Take for example: four children on my own Canada day celebrations= head count every 30 seconds, water bottle dispersment every 3 minutes, crowd control, planning where to go next, ignoring the not so lovelies  out and about.... It's stressful 

I'm ok with stress,I'm ok with working hard, I'm not too ok with others scorn for how they perceive me to be... That is what I'm working on.