Lots of Spills and Sunshine

Lots of Spills and Sunshine

Monday, March 31, 2014

Different strokes, flames, love

We light up the fire and run from the flame..... 

Music is lovely it sings to my soul...
I often find mysef nostalgic and sentimental past 2200.... 
My Rylie's  reading and in her first hunter/jumper show...
My Ty's cementing friendships and playing street hockey and helping me with his lazier siblings....
My Olivia's seeing clearly and eating cucumbers in bed...
My Oliver's adorable and working hard on flossing....
 Ty, Oliver and Olivia begin studying Andy Warhol  and Beatrix potter on Wednesday so excited!!! 
Today is a day... 
Tomorrow is tomorrow the only difference is a nights sleep and and a calendar sleep and what I choose to make of it 

The kids are into different strokes on Netflix it's so cute i love it!!!! 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

March 6 2012-2014

2 years ago 4 hours after this picture was taken and just shy of 46 minutes from right now I received the darkest news I could have ever imagined delivered to me by my sweet Rylie just 6 years old at the time. What happened in the following few hours were 911 calls, calling my three parents and crying deeper than imaginable. 
What began in the wake of tragedy was our new beginning of course I wasn't able to see any light in that moment only dark. 
I questioned humanity, the law, god, the universe and myself. 
For the past few nights I've had horrible nightmares and couldn't figure out why. Today during my drive to work it clicked " today's March 6th!!" Today's the day my daughter finally was able to say what happened today's the day our lives changed. 
2 years ago I was working 2 jobs and in nursing school full time and raising 4 kids on my own. Choosing between milk and yogurt, chicken or rice. Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and pretty convinced I wasn't going to make it. 
I did, I made it. My kids made it. We are stronger, happier, wiser and where we need to be. 
A lot has happened a lot of amazing things. Rylie whose trauma prevented her from learning at school... Today she brought home amazing work from school, she's reading she's smiling she's growing, she's riding horses and truly god bless that horse he has given her more confidence and unconditional love than imagined. Dreamer will always be in my heart for the work he does with rylie and the best part he's just being a horse and she's just in love with him but together animals and confidence can heal. 
Ty is happy and smart and intuitive, he loves taking the lead and feels a strong sense of protection for me. He is so kind and gifted and he makes me proud each day. He too has overcome horrible acts and he too is my hero. Since his birth he has been such a loveable little boy, so happy and content. He vacuums when he sees me frazzled, makes his bed and writes me notes. He too has a love for animals especially cats. 
Oliver.. Oh Oliver how I love him. He makes us laugh each day he's bright like Ty and bless his heart can't remember more than one task :) he loves cuddles sleeping in his undies and his froggie stuffies. He does dance moves that will fill u with laughter and he has located every fruit snack hiding place in the house.
Sweet Olivia Lou.. She misses Louis and cries for him weekly. She wants to be a nurse like me and loves makeup. She has a daydreaming heart and wants to know why maple syrup is maple, why eggs are eggs and if she can make crepes. She drinks liquids super slow and always has. She has a teeny bum and most pants need extra elastic, she loves to layer her clothing and pack three stuffies to school each days. She prefers miracle whip to mayo and she's a doll with many strong opinions :) 

This picture was taken 1 month post horror. I am exhausted at the point this pic was taken I averaged 4 hrs a night of sleep. I saved up to buy them Easter outfits and felt lost. 
I successfully graduated nursing school and had a full time job before I wrote my exams... The light was coming, I could see past despair and started looking forward to our future. 
We started doing our special trips and will always continue to do it. I love this pic what u don't see is the 5 hrs a week of trauma therapy, burnt out mother and no way of paying bills. It's amazing how a picture can touch our hearts and yet we know so little about what's really going on. 
Today is march 6 2014 it is no longer  2012 and we are stronger, happier and more in love with one another than ever before.